


Breathe in Again

by Agapostemon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura pilots the IGF-Atlas, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Black Paladin Shiro (Voltron), Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Shiro (Voltron) in the Astral Plane, Shiro Week 2018, Shiro is Keith's surrogate big brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 09:35:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17743412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agapostemon/pseuds/Agapostemon
Summary: A series of ficlets written for Shiro Week 2018!





	1. Astral Plane [Shiro Alone]

**Author's Note:**

> A series of ficlets I technically wrote for [Shiro Week 2018](https://blackpaladinweek.tumblr.com/post/162363153858/prompts-and-dates-shiro-week-1-the-original) but am posting... many months later, even though I wrote them in time for the event.
> 
> These all take place in a canon-divergent AU in which Shiro pilots Black when he returns, Allura pilots the Atlas (and doesn't die), and Kuron didn't happen.
> 
> Chapters are stand-alone ficlets, but they're listed in chronological order in case you want to read them together!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Content Warnings:** Fleeting suicidal thoughts

_Why did Black keep me here?_

It’s not the first time the thought has crossed Shiro’s mind since he got… here. Wherever here is. The back of Black’s consciousness? The Astral Plane? Some kind of surreal, starry limbo between life and death?

_Why didn’t she just let me die?_

It’s not like he wanted to die, exactly. He’s fought harder than anyone to stay alive. Its just…

_How could a monster like me be a paladin of Voltron?_

What about Shiro was worth saving? During a better moment, he could have retorted with an entire exposition about his bond with the Black Lion. Their shared traumas. Their mutual respect and understanding.

But here in the Astral Plane there’s too much empty space. Too much time to think. And Shiro can feel his thoughts starting to consume him. Sendak and Haggar and Zarkon’s words echo around him, morphing and fusing and blurring together with Black’s equally horrific memories until Shiro can no longer separate what they actually said from the nightmarish haze of words.

Part of him wants to give up. To just stop trying and stop _thinking_ and hope that maybe his consciousness will dissipate into nothingness and scatter like stars across the Astral Plane.

But he knows he can’t do that.

He has to keep trying. He has to find a way to reach out to the kids through Black.

He’s come this far. He’s defied death… how many times? Too many. And Black saved him this time for a reason. She _must_ have.

It’s just… Heck.

What he wouldn’t give for a hug right now.

And maybe that’s all the motivation he needs to keep trying. The thought of wrapping his little brother up in a hug again. Another chance to tell him how _proud_ he is of him and how much he _loves_ him.

So he holds tight to that desire like a tiny flame of bittersweet hope, and he sits down to meditate.


	2. Support [Shiro & Keith]

“Hey Shiro, I brought you some, uh…” Keith looks down at the ration bar in his hand and wrinkles his nose, “cardboard.”

Shiro laughs and strains to prop himself up in is cot, “I could’ve just gone and gotten my own cardboard, y’know.”

“Mmhm,” Keith hums skeptically, quirking an eyebrow as his brother loses a fight with his pillows.

“What, you don’t think I could walk out and get a space granola bar from Coran? Watch me,” Shiro retorts, suddenly shifting his efforts to getting out of bed. His tone is playful, but he means every word of it.

“Shiro, _please_ ,” Keith implores, suddenly serious, “That wasn’t a challenge. You should be resting.”

Well, this is certainly a strange role reversal.

God, Keith has grown up so much since the last time Shiro saw him. His heart swells with pride.

But at the same time, his head whirls with shame.

 _This isn’t how it’s supposed to be._ Shiro is the big brother. His little brother should always be able to rely on his support! He doesn’t want Keith to have to support _him_.

But wasn’t this exactly what he wanted? For Keith to be able to hold his own, with or without him? For Keith to have the maturity to support his team? And isn’t Shiro part of that team?

He sighs and stops struggling to get out of bed, instead settling for just sitting upright, “Alright, alright. So maybe I still have a bit of recovering to do.”

“A bit?” Keith snorts, taking a seat beside Shiro on the edge of the cot and holding out the ration bar to him, “That’s an understatement, coming from someone whose soul just got transplanted into a new body after being dead for several months.”

“Well, when you put it like _that_ ,” Shiro scoffs, taking the ration bar and using his teeth to rip open the wrapper.

“How’s the new body treating you, anyways?” Keith asks.

A good question. One which Shiro doesn’t know the answer to. He takes a big bite of space granola to bide time and does a quick body scan in hopes of formulating a truthful answer rather than just pulling one out of his butt. The scan mostly turns up bone-deep exhaustion and a vast array of aches and pains, some familiar and some new, but all dulled by the tv static that seems to have taken up permanent residence in his brain ever since he woke up in this body. He swallows and shrugs, “Mm, a little stiff and sore. Still doesn’t really feel like mine. I’m starting to wonder if it’ll ever feel like mine.”

“Well, you know what they say,” the corner of Keith’s mouth quirks up in a smug smile, “Patience yields focus.”

Shiro laughs and sets his ration bar down in his lap so he can reach his hand out and ruffle his brother’s hair, “Your Shiro impression is getting very convincing. Have you been practicing?”

Keith’s brow furrows, “My what?”

Shiro shakes his head fondly and pulls Keith into a lopsided side hug, “I love you.”

Keith laughs and leans into the hug, “I love you, too. It’s good to have you back. Again.”

“It’s good to be back. Again.”


	3. Chosen [Shiro & Black]

It’s the first battle since Shiro had recovered enough to reclaim his rightful place as the Black Paladin, and all the Black Lion can do is sit on a moon half a solar system away and **_wait_**.

She may not share Red’s impatience, but there’s an awful kind of helplessness in knowing there’s nothing she can do. She understands the strategic importance of staying hidden, of course, but the longer she waits here in the shadows the more she feels like useless scrap metal.

And if she’s being honest with herself, the distance from her paladin aches a bit. She’s grown so accustomed to his presence—not just as her paladin in combat but as a constant companion at the back of her consciousness—that being this far away from him now leaves her feeling strange and empty.

It’s a disorienting feeling. One she’s never experienced before. Probably because she’s never held an organic being’s soul inside her own consciousness before. She doubts she ever will again. It’s not something she would do for just any paladin. It’s certainly not something she would have done for Zarkon. At least she hopes not. Would she have? Would he have forced her? Would she have done it willingly?

No.

There’s no use in entertaining hypotheticals.

All she knows is that there’s something special about Shiro. Something above and beyond just being her paladin. Something deeper than the surface-level bond she formed with Keith and Allura when they piloted her in Shiro’s absence. Something more meaningful than whatever it is she had with Zarkon.

Shiro is her true paladin. Her chosen paladin.

Her friend.

 _Friend_. The word seems alien to her because it is. But she thinks she understands the concept by now, after so much time sharing her consciousness with Shiro. He thinks about friendship a lot. And it fits, doesn’t it? That’s what they are, right?

Friends.

Before long, she feels a familiar presence flicker in the back of her consciousness.

Her paladin.

Her _chosen_ paladin.

Her friend.

He’s ready. He needs her. He’s _missed_ her.

It’s **_time_**.


	4. Voltron [Shiro & Allura]

“Can I sit with you?” Shiro asks gently, gesturing at the spot beside Allura on the balcony.

“Can you—” she jumps slightly but relaxes as soon as she processes that it’s just Shiro, “Oh! Yes. Yes, of course.”

“Thanks,” he quirks a small smile and takes a seat, allowing his legs to dangle off the edge of the balcony.

“Did you need something?” Allura asks absently, returning her gaze to the distant sunset.

“Not particularly,” Shiro responds, “Just wanted to talk. We haven’t had much downtime to process all of, well… everything.”

“We already had a debrief meeting,” Allura replies curtly.

Shiro lets out a soft huff of laughter, “Not a debrief. I know we’ve already talked about it as leaders, but… maybe we should talk about it as friends. Who both happen to be leaders.”

Allura’s demeanor softens a bit, “Oh. Yes. Yes, that… that sounds lovely, actually.”

Shiro’s smile grows, “It sounds lovely to me, too.”

But try as he might, he’s not sure what to say next. So they sit together in silence for several minutes, staring out at the sunset together.

Allura speaks first, “How does it feel to be back in the Black Lion?”

Shiro snorts, “I mean, technically I was in the Black Lion all along. Just… a bit _too_ in her.”

This elicits a giggle from Allura, “Fair point.”

“But to answer your question… it’s good,” Shiro continues, “It feels good. It feels right.”

Allura gives him a sad smile, “I’m glad. You’re a good pilot for her. A good Black Paladin.”

Shiro places a gentle, heavy hand on her shoulder, “That doesn’t mean you were a bad pilot, you know.”

She breathes in deeply, “I know that. It’s not the same, though. I felt like a cheap substitute, not the true Black Paladin. That’s your place.”

“So your place isn’t as the Black Paladin,” Shiro says with a shrug, “Nothing wrong with that. You’re important in other ways. And you’re a _leader_ in other ways. Heck, look at the Atlas! That’s awesome! That’s _amazing!_ That’s your kind of leadership, Allura. You’re not a squadron leader. You’re a _general_.”

“A general,” Allura repeats under her breath, then smiles up at Shiro, “I am, aren’t I?”

“You sure are,” he chuckles, giving her shoulder a squeeze and then patting it a couple times before lowering his hand.

She beams, “And you, Shiro, are a worthy Black Paladin. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Warmth spreads through Shiro’s chest, “Thank you, Allura. I needed to hear that, I think.”

“I’m just stating the truth,” Allura says with a pleased smirk.

They both chuckle and then fall silent for a minute or two.

Finally, Shiro breaks the silence, “Would you like a hug?”

Allura giggles, “A hug sounds lovely, yes.”

She turns and opens her arms, and Shiro immediately engulfs her in a big, tight bear hug. “Leadership isn’t a solo job,” he murmurs into her hair, “Neither of us has to lead alone.”

“Neither of us has to lead alone,” Allura echoes.

“It’s okay,” Shiro whispers.

“It’s okay.”

“We’re okay.”

“We’re okay.”

“Everything’s gonna be okay.”


	5. Soul [Shiro/Matt]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Content Warnings:** Descriptions of dissociation and (non-gender-related) body dysphoria

Shiro shifts uncomfortably for what has to be the fiftieth time that night, burrowing his nose into Matt’s hair and hugging him closer in some vain hope that if he finds the ideal cuddling position, maybe (just maybe) he’ll start to feel like it’s his own body doing the cuddling.

No such luck.

He lets out a soft, frustrated grunt and shifts again.

“You okay up there?” Matt asks, tilting his head to eye his restless partner.

“Mmm… it’s fine,” Shiro says, trying to dismiss the issue, but a moment later he continues anyway, “It’s just… this body. It feels like I’m borrowing someone else’s body, y’know? Like they tried to hook my soul up to someone else’s body, but a couple places didn’t quite connect right. Like how there were a couple numb spots after my top surgery.”

“Aww, Kashi,” Matt coos, reaching a hand up over his shoulder to awkwardly pat the side of Shiro’s face (almost jabbing him in the eye in the process, which elicits a giggle from both of them), “It’s still you in there.”

“Yeah. Yeah I know, I just…” Shiro’s voice trails off sadly.

“You just what?” Matt prompts.

“I’m not sure how to explain,” Shiro’s brow furrows, “I guess I just… I know what it feels like to be a soul in its own body, and I also know what it feels like to be a soul floating in someone else’s… body? Consciousness? Inside Black.”

Matt mouths a small “ _oh_.”

“And this…” Shiro continues, “Sometimes this feels more like being inside Black than like being back in my own body.”

“ _Oh heck_ ,” Matt whispers.

“Yeah,” Shiro whispers back, and they lay together in the heavy silence of mutual understanding for a long while.

Eventually Matt breaks the quiet to declare, “It’s okay if this body doesn’t feel like home yet. Heck, sometimes _my_ body doesn’t feel like home, and it’s just the same ol’ body I’ve always had! You got yanked out of the Astral Plane and plunked into an Altean magic doppelganger. That’s gotta feel heckin’ _weird!_ ”

Shiro laughs despite himself, “Well when you put it _that_ way.”

Matt reaches down to pat Shiro’s flesh hand, which is currently resting on his tummy, “I love you _and_ your weird Altean magic doppelganger body.”

“Thank you, dear,” Shiro chuckles and presses a smooch to the back of Matt’s head, “I love you, too. And so does my weird Altean magic doppelganger body.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember that I write purely for fun and catharsis. My fics are unbeta’d and minimally proofread. They’re not perfect, and that’s okay. If you notice something I could fix or improve, please keep those thoughts to yourself. If I genuinely want critique, I’ll ask a close friend in private. **Surprise critiques are very stressful and discouraging.** Thanks for understanding!


End file.
